My Ayah - Part 2

Then Mama bagitau the dreaded news - Ayah punya ketumbuhan tu is actually cancer. Yes, the big C. The cancer yg dulu aku hanya baca, now jadi kat ayah aku sendiri. And the reason Mama kena panggil masuk dalam sebab Ayah macam rasa tak nak operate pulak sbb dia takut bila doctor bagitau the risk yg Ayah maybe kena masuk ICU and at that point of time yg kena panggil tu oxygen level ayah is very low. It was too much for my brain to process time tu. Mama kena sign some sort of form that we are aware of the operation risk. Menggeletar tangan aku fill up form tu masa tu..and at the same time Ayah kata maybe we can try traditional way dulu. Aku dah macam 'Ishh boleh plak dia pikir takmau operate'. Then the Head Surgeon was called in to talk to Ayah..and dia cakap at this stage, it is more risky not to operate sebab maybe boleh sampai stage yg teruk di mana dah tak boleh operate lagi dah untuk selamatkan. It was very chaotic as Ayah dah start bukak alat bantuan pernafasan and his oxygen makin drop, then I told him jangan cabut and ask him to calm down.

Lepas dengar penerangan surgeon tu, Ayah mellowed down a bit. Pelan2 dia pandang mama and aku, and asked 'Macam mana? Nak operate ke?' Allah je yg tahu apa aku rasa time tu, having to make decision with my mom, without my abang and my adik. Mama pegang tangan aku, pegang tangan Ayah and said 'Kita usaha operate dulu, yg lain kita serah kat Tuhan'. Then Ayah said ok and nurse and doctors tak buang masa terus tolak Ayah masuk OT balik before dia tukar fikiran lagi. Tahu apa Ayah tanya kat Mama sebelum masuk OT second time? 'You dah makan ke?'. Dalam keadaan dia macam tu, tetap nak concern pasal cinta hati dia. T_T. The moment Ayah masuk balik dlm OT room tu, aku dgn mama dedua longlai sampai nurse tarik kerusi bagi mama duduk sbb both us were hugging each other and crying. We then proceed back to waiting room. It was 2.30pm. Tiyah dah text aku banyak kali sbb dia heran naper tak keluar dari OT lagi. Last2 aku call dia around 4pm and break the news about cancer. Terus dia minta time off dari boss dia utk dtg hospital. Called and informed my brother too but dia tengah shooting time tu. I know he cried but dia tahan bila bercakap dgn aku and he promised to call back at night. Tiyah arrived around 5pm and Zul arrived around 5.30pm. Time ni baru aku makan bekal yg kakak Ayah bawakan. 

It was a very long wait. Aku pun dah start risau. Dlm 6.45pm tak boleh tahan dah. Paksa Zul pergi tanya kat OT staff, dia ajak ikut sekali tapi aku kata aku takut. He came back and informed us Ayah dah habis operation 6.30pm (4 jam operation dia) and dah dibawa ke ICU. Kitaorg bergegas naik atas tapi tak dibenarkan masuk lagi sbb diaorg tgh prepare  katil and prepare Ayah. 7pm baru dapat masuk, boleh masuk 2 org je. So Tiyah masuk dgn Mama dulu, then followed by me and Zul. Ayah was still drowsy from the meds but he could talk/mumble la. Takut sangat nak tengok luka pembedahan tu, Zul tengok and dia kata panjang scar tu kat perut Ayah :(. Abang arrived around 8pm, mujurlah diaorg still bagi masuk. 

Wednesday 30th September 2015. Ayah still in ICU this time dah sedar and boleh bercakap dah but still weak. My mum's cousins and brother in laws paid a visit. Minggu tu mmg aku ambik time off everyday 4pm - 6pm. Mama pulak pergi dari start visiting hours 12pm tu and duduk sampai 8pm and balik dgn aku. Zul/Tiyah and husband bergilir hantar mama pergi hospital. Mama boleh drive tapi sbb dlm keadaan ni, mmg Mama pun rasa weak nak drive. Doctor bagitau sebahagian usus besar ayah kena buang, yg ada prime cancer tu. But cancer tu dah pecah and spread to lung and liver. Now hujung usus ayah tu dikeluarkan dan dijahit kat perut ayah so his stool akan keluar dari situ ke stoma bag. A temporary measure for about 6 months and if everything ok, baru buat another operation utk masukkan balik usus. So bila tengok perut ayah, dia ada small scar on the right abdomen, tempat kena tebuk keluarkan air dan isi perut, then ada long scar dari atas perut all the way sampai bawah pusat, which is tempat doktor keluarkan cancer dan buang sebahagian usus and dekat left abdomen, tempat stoma tu dikeluarkan. Ni gambarajah yg aku google.

 Thursday 1st October 2015. Ayah dah boleh pindah dari ICU ke ward biasa. Alhamdulillah. Appetite dia pun ok je. Doctor suruh dia jalan2, jangan baring2 je. Bleh tahan laju dia jalan sepanjang ward tu, tegur2 patients lain, sembang dgn nurse. Ayah oh Ayah..Friday to Sunday tu mmg family aku berkampung kat hospital and banyak betul friends and relatives yg dtg visit Ayah. News memang cepat spread padahal time tu aku dgn Tiyah tak update apa2 kat FB. Meluap2 rasa nak cakap tapi aku diamkan je. 

I had two work events in October and November and aku pun tak tahu camner aku survived time tu. Cooperation from colleagues and support system from my family and close friends kut. Aku kat office pun kekadang sambil keluar air mata bila buat kerja sbb bimbangkan Ayah but somehow I managed. Ada satu benda yg tersilap and memang aku kena marah kaw2 tapi takpe simpan dulu cerita tu. Ayah was discharged on Tuesday 6th October 2015. Lega yg teramat time tu! He was happy to be back home. 9 malam 10 hari di hospital and he doesn't have to pay a single cent. The perks of pencen gomen kan. Dalam 9 malam tu, 8 malam aku tido sekatil dgn Mama temankan dia (terima kasih B sebab memahami!).

Lepas dah discharge, rutin aku pun dah berubah. I spent most nights kat KJ, berulang pegi kerja kat Bukit Jalil. Aku balik Bukit Jalil maybe Monday and Tuesday, lepas tu terus duduk KJ sampai following Monday. Weekends yg Ayah baru lepas discharged tu orang datang visit dari siang sampai malam. Memang kitaorg penat gila tapi bersyukur sbb ramai concenrn about him. Masuk the second weekend tu tak larat dah, mmg letak air kotak je dekat depan :P.

Bawa ayah for appointment and discussion on chemo. Masa tu baru tahu, ayah's cancer was stage 4, which was stage paling akhir. Aku dgn Tiyah terkedu dlm bilik doktor masa tu. Breaks my heart bila Ayah tanya doktor 'So, stage 4 ni last stage kan'. I could not hold back my tears time tu. Terus ambik appointment card ayah and aku cakap 'Adik pergi buat appointment jap' and left my sis in the room with him. Aku keluar je terus aku menangis. Berat rasa dugaan utk family aku. Kept thinking, why him, Ayah aku baik, sebaik2 manusia, kenapa dia yg kena semua ni? Then istighfar, wipe my tears and masuk balik bilik. I think he saw the look on my face. Doctor kata 'That stage is just a measurement for us doctors to determine the sort of treatment'..mmg bagus2 doktor sini sbb diaorg pandai handle patient and patient's family. The main cancer has been removed, yg penting sekarang nak combat the cancer yg dah spread and we can only do that through chemo. Ayah banyak tanya dgn doctors in our family and his friends, semua mmg sokong buat chemo and at the same time, boleh je nak buat rawatan secara Islam.

Past few months ni, dah dua tempat Ayah pergi rawatan alternatif. And everyday, ayah akan makan daun belalai gajah yg diblend dgn epal hijau, and picit lemon. Petua dari lecturer tempat aku kerja sebab mak dia pun dah survived breast cancer. Ada juga makan pucuk daun tujuh jarum. And yes, lepas discharged from hospital, ayah cut terus sugar and meat. Sugar ni sebenarnya bertukar menjadi glukosa dlm darah kan, yg sebenarnya menjadi 'makanan' utk cancer. Mmg ayah turun berat badan, dlm 12-13kg jugak bila stop ambik sugar. Nasi pun gula, tapi susah gak nak stop nasi but dia mmg makan dah kurang dah even before dia sakit dulu. Now ni mmg bertukar terus ke brown rice. Tak makan processed food. Banyak makan sayur and ikan. Ikan pun mama buat masak singgang or goreng atas non-stick pan dgn minyak yg sangat sikit la. Tak makan pedas langsung dah, yg ni mmg ayah seriau sbb takut sakit perut. Roti pun not encouraged tapi dia makan gak la sikit2, kena faham la sbb dia pun jemu. Alhamdulilah sangat dia tak lost appetite.

Nanti next post aku cerita pasal chemo and pasal aku kena marah dgn boss.