Saturday, July 28, 2007

At the end of the rainbow

Went to do some toiletries and grocery shopping this afternoon..queueing up to pay for the things. In front of me, a mother and her cute 3 year old daughter..suddenly I thought to myself "If God were to grant me a child right after my marriage, 'she' would have been 3 years old as well"..I would have made 'her' wear cute little pink dress, tie 'her' ponytail in a pink ribbon..yeah, it remains 'I would have'..

I was wiping my tears while I made the payment at the counter, looking at that little girl smiling at me. Do you have any idea how or what I'm feeling now? I don't think so, only those who have experienced the same would know.

Perhaps, it's just my PMS talking in my head. Perhaps, I miss my nieces so much. Perhaps, I'm only human. Do you think my Zul will ever leave me? Why would he stay?

*wiping tears*

16 comments:

Z.Y. said...

hey big gurl, don't cry.. i feel the same way sometimes.. we can cry together hehe but seriously, u know that i totally understand how u feel kan.. i oso sometimes look at other ppl's kids and terus pikir, "if i had zarya or jeremy, i'd teach them to dis/dat properly"... sigh... the sorrow we have to go thru.. maybe it will all end wel..

he will never leave u lah. take this thot out of your head!!

Nomee said...

I hate it when you cry. I hate it when you have stupid thoughts. Cheer up!

mama tinie said...

tepuk pp dia ... jgn cedih-cedih bebeh ..muack!

Maff said...

Amy DON'T even think it!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!I don't know what l say.. but I LOVE YOU!!! :)

JueOny said...

your kindness, caring, loving n superb skill in cooking will make him stay forever....he luv u so much...can c through his eyes...cheer up beb!!!

Nadia said...

amy,
sabo beb...wokehh?

rafiqaheliza said...

*hugs*
You made me wanna cry too...
My parents got me when they have been married for 6 years. Sabo dan terus berusaha. And throw away that negative feeling...I know quite a no of couples who stay together despite not having any children. All lovey-dovey lagi...

Intan said...

Amy
jgn sedih n nangis...teruskan doa dan berusaha ..kakak n abg ipar aku pun 6 tahun gak nikah baru dapat sorang ....smile okay...insyallah aku pun tolong-tolong gak doa

Roti Kacang Merah said...

ish...dah dah. dah period lum ni by this time? grins

*hugs*

ish, you make me feel guilty lah, of not craving for kids just yet. and imagine how old me and abgzul will be when our kid(s) turn 20!

hey, we made a pact, remember? that the zuls in the world must be org baik-baik belaka. your zul LOVES you... warts and all. tak caya, cuba pi tanya dia... sebab dia pun mesti banyak warts gak hahaha ;-p

Allah masih beri Amy & Zul peluang utk dapat tidur puas-puas and dating puas-puas...so, enjoy, k!

konot said...

amy darling.. aku nak nangis gak aaa baca post nih.. i might not understand, but i feel your sorrow lah... sedih aku.. Allah has better plans for you.. doa dan usaha..kay?

fbi said...

amy... HE knows best... HIS plans are the best. sume org ada bahagian rezeki and musibah masing2.. sabo, yek! *hugs*

Arena said...

babe,
apa sedih2 nih.. akupun cam tulah kot.. almost 5 years married, kalau ada anak dah nak masuk tadika dah.. and maybe dah 2 kot..hahahh .. takpe insyallah ada rezeki kita.. just hang tight and kita usahalah kan.. ala ur zul loves u lah .. jangan pikir bukan2ok dan doa banyak2 ya..u take care sis.. Ala sesekali layan blues oraitlah. jangan layan lama2 tau..

Amy said...

Thanks korang..really.

Zied - yeah..sometimes aku yg cakap dgn ko jgn sedih2 tapi sometimes aku gak yg nangis..it's just one of those days la..*sandar kat bahu Zied*

Nomee - *hugs* Thanks

Ayen - Adoi!Cakitnya..thanks Ayen. Kem salam kat Tinie tu mowah mowahs
Apsal tak gi wedding Odie ari tuh?

Maff - I LAP U TOOOOO!! Bila nak jumpa? I miss you bebeh..

Jue - Aku nak gelak golek guling2 bleh? Superb cooking skill haper kalau setakat cream caramel dgn instant pizza tuh? Waduh gelak je kalau Zul baca..aku citer kat dia ko comment camni, siap kena cakap "Alah, Juliah yg husband dia rajin bercakap dgn awak tu time kenduri Azira"...dia senyum sampai tinger :D Sempat ke ko nengok mata dia 2 jam kat wedding Azira tuh? Thanks anyway Jue..really appreciate it.

Nana - Thanks bebeh. Biasalah aku kan ratu emo..it's just one of those days that I question myself, and could not accept why others are luckier than me - and still have the guts to buang/bunuh anak.. budus.

Amy said...

Rafiqah - Thanks friend. 6 years ye? Isk by then I would alreay be 32 la babe, takut aku. Mmg la lovey dovey lagi but how long? Aku rasa insecure sgt tapi gagahkan hati jugak.

Intan - Thanks my dear. Doakan aku dpt anak cepat, comel2 dan baik2, tak lawan cakap aku (isk lebih2 le plak).

Kak Lin - *hugs* keh keh dah period dah. Right on the dot.Rasa sedih hari sabtu. Hari Ahad malam terus period. Dasat la penangan PMS ni kalau dilayan. Zul dah masak sgt dah. Kalau Amy marah2 and bebel2 sorang2, dia sure cakap "Elleh awak nak period tuh". Tapi betullah kak. No matter how annoying I must be, he stood by me, dari kawan baik sampai la jadi somi isteri. I don't think I ever seen any man as patience as him in my life. Even my father or my brother could not beat him. My mom said we complement each other. Sorang kepala hangin sorang lagi sejuk macam air. I should count my blessings, I know. But, kita ni kan human, kadang2 tu bila emo menguasai fikiran, mula la pikir yg negatif and question yg bukan2.

Konot - Walaupun ko tak understand tapi ko tahu apa rasa bila kecewa kan? Pilu weh, beyond words. Aku hope nak dpt anak pompuan comel cam Balqis, yg penting rambut kerinting cam dia..cakap kat dia Aunty Amy nak jumpa dia next weekend *wink*

Farah - Thanks *hugs back* tengah emo macam tu la kepala aku dok berpikir, yg negatif belaka. Been 4 years, maybe aku pun dah jemu usaha tapi tak bleh camtu. Kena lebih banyak berdoa kan? That's what I keep telling myself. See you next week?

Che Na!! - Uwaaa..rasa nak nangis balik..maybe ko antara yg faham apa aku rasa. But aku tahu ko mmg mentally stronger than me walaupun ko kecik jek..eheheh. Dah 2 hari layan blues sampai period pun dah dtg..so kena back to normal balik. Thanks Che Na!

Arena said...

Amy,
wei sape yang ko cakap kecik nih? muahhahahah,... tolonglah..aku pon tak ler mentally strong sis..life goes on kan.. takpe kita support each pther.. ok, dah abis blues kan..take care..

Amy said...

Che Na - Entah, reading about you everyday since a year ago had somewhat influenced and convinced me to think that you're quite a strong person, stronger than me that is. Nanti aku jumpa Ayen (Mama Tinie) aku tanya dia :P