Updated : 6.49am, 9th August 2007
Received call last night from Rina - Wan Shahreen's mother passed away. My condolences to Shahreen and family. I pray that she'd be strong to go through this. I last saw her and arwah mother during Sonya's wedding - sat at the same table. Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan dilindungi Allah. AMIN
I felt B.L.U.E..rasa cam nak menjerit puas2 kat opis tadik. I wish I have enough money so that I can tender 24 hours. I wish I was being headhunted like Aje..I wish I have a good job like Zied. I wish I'm pretty and slim..ok, dah start ngarut dan melalut.
I cannot explain in words how frustrated I am with my working life now. It's crazy to say that I love my job, not the load that was thrown to one person. I hate the environment, the people. Is it only me or mmg susah nak dapat job nowadays? Some people say I demand too high (salary wise) and he told me what I'm getting is the max salary for anyone in my field and position. Huh? Buat apa aku nak blah kalau bukan for better offer? Let me rephrase that. I don't mind getting the same salary now kalau the workplace is near to hubby's office or our house (wherever it may be later). I mean, the whole purpose for hubby and me now is to use only ONE car to work. And we want to move out. It's either I get a new job or he would have to find another job nearer. Since dia baru je dpt keje ni, and I felt like shit with my work, the ball is with me.
Ye, mmg aku tak beria carik keje pun sebelum ni. My fault. Tapi aku dah rasa macam tak tahan sgt dah to the extent of tak kisah dah keje apa asalkan dekat dgn dia and takmo pening2 dah pakai 2 kereta. We all bukannya kaya macam you all tau...
I hate to write this but I broke down in the office this evening. Was trying very hard to control my emotions tapi B macam tahu2 jek timing. Dia jarang sgt nak call after 5pm sebab dah nak balik dah, usually he only call me during lunch sebab dia tahu time lain aku memang busy je selalu. Tapi hari ni, dah call tengahari, pastu petang dia tetiba call lagi...right after aku tengah menahan marah dan stress. And so, upon hearing his voice on the phone, aku terus break down.
You see, sejak kenal dia more than 6 years ago, he has always been there - when I whine about work, about my breakup, when some jerk stole my precious car away, when I was terrified to tell Ayah that my car got stolen...all that, he was there to listen. And, when i found out someone that I admire does not have the same feelings towards me, I cried my heart out...kebetulan he picked me up from work that night. It was at one of the petrol station in Subang. Lepas dia isi minyak and masuk balik dlm keta..I was still crying. And he wiped away my tears using his hands. That was when it felt like a big slap on my face. I mean, sibuk nak kejar org yg jauh padahal someone that really care about me is just infront of me? Ok, dah lari topic lagi sekali
So, he suggested that we go out for dinner tonight - untuk tenangkan hati aku (manalah tak sihat, bila stress je makan dan makan ehehe). I felt weak but still bersiap gak, by the time nak pakai tudung, tudung tu macam tak baper nak jadi and I snapped, and I cried, again. Being the patient him, he asked me to rest and he went out buying dinner for me.
What would I do without him, my Angel? *sigh*