Wednesday, August 08, 2007

I feel B.L.U.E

Updated : 6.49am, 9th August 2007

Received call last night from Rina - Wan Shahreen's mother passed away. My condolences to Shahreen and family. I pray that she'd be strong to go through this. I last saw her and arwah mother during Sonya's wedding - sat at the same table. Moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan dilindungi Allah. AMIN

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I felt B.L.U.E..rasa cam nak menjerit puas2 kat opis tadik. I wish I have enough money so that I can tender 24 hours. I wish I was being headhunted like Aje..I wish I have a good job like Zied. I wish I'm pretty and slim..ok, dah start ngarut dan melalut.

I cannot explain in words how frustrated I am with my working life now. It's crazy to say that I love my job, not the load that was thrown to one person. I hate the environment, the people. Is it only me or mmg susah nak dapat job nowadays? Some people say I demand too high (salary wise) and he told me what I'm getting is the max salary for anyone in my field and position. Huh? Buat apa aku nak blah kalau bukan for better offer? Let me rephrase that. I don't mind getting the same salary now kalau the workplace is near to hubby's office or our house (wherever it may be later). I mean, the whole purpose for hubby and me now is to use only ONE car to work. And we want to move out. It's either I get a new job or he would have to find another job nearer. Since dia baru je dpt keje ni, and I felt like shit with my work, the ball is with me.

Ye, mmg aku tak beria carik keje pun sebelum ni. My fault. Tapi aku dah rasa macam tak tahan sgt dah to the extent of tak kisah dah keje apa asalkan dekat dgn dia and takmo pening2 dah pakai 2 kereta. We all bukannya kaya macam you all tau...

I hate to write this but I broke down in the office this evening. Was trying very hard to control my emotions tapi B macam tahu2 jek timing. Dia jarang sgt nak call after 5pm sebab dah nak balik dah, usually he only call me during lunch sebab dia tahu time lain aku memang busy je selalu. Tapi hari ni, dah call tengahari, pastu petang dia tetiba call lagi...right after aku tengah menahan marah dan stress. And so, upon hearing his voice on the phone, aku terus break down.

You see, sejak kenal dia more than 6 years ago, he has always been there - when I whine about work, about my breakup, when some jerk stole my precious car away, when I was terrified to tell Ayah that my car got stolen...all that, he was there to listen. And, when i found out someone that I admire does not have the same feelings towards me, I cried my heart out...kebetulan he picked me up from work that night. It was at one of the petrol station in Subang. Lepas dia isi minyak and masuk balik dlm keta..I was still crying. And he wiped away my tears using his hands. That was when it felt like a big slap on my face. I mean, sibuk nak kejar org yg jauh padahal someone that really care about me is just infront of me? Ok, dah lari topic lagi sekali

So, he suggested that we go out for dinner tonight - untuk tenangkan hati aku (manalah tak sihat, bila stress je makan dan makan ehehe). I felt weak but still bersiap gak, by the time nak pakai tudung, tudung tu macam tak baper nak jadi and I snapped, and I cried, again. Being the patient him, he asked me to rest and he went out buying dinner for me.

What would I do without him, my Angel? *sigh*


10 comments:

cikPijah said...

no such thing as perfect job bebeh. the field on the other side always appear greener. but betul2 greener or pasal pakai spek lense kaler hijo tak tau la kan. meh sini resume tu.. aku ngan fenot boleh tolong "up" kan.. serial job hopper katanyer :p

Amy said...

Cik Pi - Memang le. But maybe sbb dah nearly 5 years, and takde improvement dari segi position and attitude, I just couldn't take it anymore. Betul nak tolong 'up'kan resume aku? Aku mmg betul need help about my resume, dah minta tolong dgn sorang kawan ni, but he's quite busy at the moment. Nanti aku email ko Cik Pi..thanks!

Nomee said...

Ala.. nak kuar air mata aku. Jgn sedih-sedh sgt Amy, tak baik utk kesihatan. Ah... start carik kerje. By the way, hubby you kerje area mana? Kalau nak pindah, pindah mana?

shell said...

Amy,

haah..bagi raf suruh 'upkan' sket resume. Tapi betulla.. different place will have diff challenge. aku dulu kat tempat lama komplen sebab byk sangat traveling (ok ok.. parents aku yang komplen). Skang ni plak aku lemas sebab tak travel travel langsung. Rasa nyesal ada gak. :P

eh laki kau bintang apa ha?

konot said...

gi jobstreet gih... nak aku tulung pasal resume pun buleh gak... jgn cedey2 ek?

reenazack said...

Kakak,
Don't feel down la.. i just got lucky recently.. after few failed interviews that i finally gave up going to any of it anymore..

U are lucky to have someone who loves u and be there for you..

U know why God did not grant all of our wishes? so that we have purpose to continue living.. If u have everything, what more life can offer, rite..

hugsnkisses..

Arena said...

Amy,
hei, naper sedey2 ni? Tension pasal kerja sampai nangis2? Not worth it tau. Kita kerja banting tulang, put our heart and soul pon will our company treat us as we should be? Dah2 ko ngan aku kena get our priorities straight, hahhha.

Tu yang dekat rumah tu, who are always by our side during ups and down, thru thick and thin. Nangis or not. Hah, itu yang patut kita jaga. Asyik bikin diorang stress je sebab kita stress. Patutnya kita kena sama2 happy. so work is just work ok.. A mean utk mencari rezeki.Dah2 jangan tension2..and then.. look at your friends here, u have some good friends who are so supportive. Lucky u. I bet your family are cool too. Kesimpulan, jangan stress2 u still have a lot of good thing going around u.

Best jek kan, aku nasihat orang. Aku pon sokmo stress ngan kerja lately.. Ni kira aku nasihat diri aku same ler nih..

Amy said...

Korang berjaya buat aku nangis depan PC nih *sigh*

Nomee - Hubby aku dah keje kat Klang. Kalau bleh dia nak aku keje kat Shah alam or Klang, bleh duduk kat Klang. Dia pun penat gak dok travel hari2, tapi sayang punya pasal, selagi aku tak dpt keje dekat dgn dia, selagi tu dia tak nak pindah..dia tak nak aku drive jauh2.

Shell - entahla..aku sedar yg maybe tempat baru pun maybe tak best. Yg sekarang ni kira dah cukup stabil namanya tapi I guess I wanted to start fresh kat tempat lain. Kat sini, accountability macam tak munasah, byk sgt opportunity tu put me into trouble, tu yg aku tak tahan sekali. Laki aku? Scorpio maaa, sama dgn aku..tapi perangai dia opposite aku.:P

Konot - Pegi dah jobstreet. AKu kena tingkatkan usaha mencari.. thanks beb.

Aje - *hugs* betul gak ko cakap. Mama aku pun ckp camtu. That's why dia marah kalau aku sedih pasal takde anak, sbb dia kata aku patut bersyukur ada hubby yg penyabar macam Zul.. tak bleh dpt semua yg best je..

Che Na - Thanks. Anda berjaya buat air mata saya kuar lagik :P Yup, he's there thru thick and thin. Aku pun dah kurang bawa balik keje ke rumah dah. Malas dah nak layan. Kawang2 aku ni mmg best, tak jemu2 bagi support kat aku walaupun aku asyik emo. I also considered you as a 'new found' friend walaupun tak pernah jumpa coz kita ni macam banyak similarities..being a Scorpio and lahir tahun ular and banyak lagi other similarities..ehhehe

Roti Kacang Merah said...

Laa... Scorpio dgn Scorpio rupanya... meymang sesuaiiii!

Scorpio perempuan memang selalunya water baby sikit... macam Cancer perempuan juga la (i le tuuu... hehe).

Scorpio lelaki memang selalunya penyabaaaaaar dan suara pun tak pernah naik (betul ka?). Of course I do know one special Scorpio guy... tapi tu zaman duluuuuuu. *winks*

hak ah... kerja wise, bley register kat jobstreet, pastu have your ever-willing friends to help you spruce-up your resume. You have to think that your resume is competing with berpuluh if not beratus other... so, kena fikir "what is it about my resume yang boleh capture attention ek? baik dari segi rupa, isikandungan, etc". Lagi brief, short and sweet, lagi bagus.

kalau designer's resume (architects, for eg), boleh le kak lin kasi sample. Kak Lin punya dulu buat size A3 sehelai pastu lipat jadi brochure saiz A4 and a half. I divided the ruang into 4 columns, mcm2 boleh taruh situ... including photos of my projects selama 6 tahun and my own passport-size photo. And so far those i submitted to called me for interviews coz my resume so simple yet padat (sehelai tu je!) hence mudah depa nak kelek, baca & file, hehehe.

anyways, my prayers prayers prayers for you&zul's kemudahan utk permudahkan perjalanan hidup, k...? hugs!

Amy said...

Kak Leen - Sesuai ke? Selalu org bagi comment negative kata tak sesuai sama bintang berkahwin..alah, horoscope je kan? Water baby? ye ah kut, kuat nangis, emo dan sgt suka dgn laut.. :P. Kak Leen, memang tepat. Sangat penyabarrr dan suara tak pernah naik. Kalau dia marah sgt, dia akan diam. And I have to beg him to talk :D sbb tak tahan ngeh ngeh. Oh, that special guy yg dulu tuh Scorpio ke? Well, Scorpios mmg special *hik*hik*
Job street dah lama dah, nak kena update dgn more details since I'm 'heavily' looking for job. Ada kawan dah tolong tengokkan. CIk Pi kata resume Amy boring gila ahahah. So dia tengah cuba up kan. Bersyukur ada kawan camni :D
Kak Leen..*I'm touched* thanks for your prayer..*mowahs*