Monday, January 25, 2010

The day I just could not take it anymore :(

Picture taken from here

If you have read my blog long enough, you would have known my style of writing. I don't like to talk about work, as when I do want to talk about it, more often than not, it would normally be a negative or unhappy posts. As much as I loathe writing about it, once in a while I think I need to jot it down just to released it from my body system. Talked about it with hubby, talked about it with my BFF (siap nangis!) kesian dia kena mendengar sambil disampuk oleh anak dia yg cute tu :). Lagi satu BFF yg aku berani call sambil nangis pun sudah berada jauh di UK. Sob..sob.

Tapi nak cerita pun tak bleh cerita full, nanti kena saman plak unless I make my blog private, which I have yet to consider. Aku pernah baca tau domain blog apa tah, yg certain post dia bleh lock with sapa yg ada password je bleh baca and tak payahla privatize the whole blog. Hmmm..

I'm in a very depressed state right now. Allah je la yg tahu. It has been hell for the past 3-4 months but I put a brave face in the office. I sometimes wept on my way back from work, while driving. Sometimes in the LRT, tapi takut plak org ingat aku nangis sbb tak dpt duduk, so lap cepat2 :).

I've written about it here and here. Latest update on it is that I have to wait for the offer letter as they'll be restructuring and wanted me to come onboard bila restructuring tu dah diapprove. I shall expect the offer letter this week or latest mid of Feb. Aku tak tahan dah nak tunggu sbb I really want to know and decide whether it's worth it to leave or find another job soonest possible. I do have to give 2 months notice, the longest ever in my career which make it more depressing.

Yer, nasihat kawan2 ialah:
~ Cari keje baru or
~ Buang ego dan tanya bila bleh dpt offer letter or
~ Anggap my new place/position/transfer ni as a recognition (bukan promoted pun bro) and as new challenge

Easier said than done sebenarnya. Really. Susah nak explain. Sometimes bila aku nak meluah rasa, aku tak minta solution pun, tak minta kawan2 crack your head to think what I should do. I just want to talk/cry and for a friend to listen..just listening.

I know I should remain positive all the time, but I'm only human with flaws. Aku tak percaya ada org bleh remain postive or happy like ALL the time ok, surely at one point, mesti akan break down. *sigh* But I've learnt my lesson kut, pasni kalau rasa down lagi, baik la nyusahkan B and Mama je utk dengar, takpun telan sendiri je.

On another note, I've made application at the EPF to withdraw money from my Account 2 so that I can use it for my monthly house installments. It has been approved and after 5 days, the money is in. Yeay. Will be using the money to pay house loan for the next 24 months. Our plan is, every month still tepikan duit gaji as if paying for monthly installment, sbb nak kumpul duit for house renovation and also nak pi jalan jauh sket *jeling kat Intan Lily*.

House renovation tu utk luar rumah. Dlm rumah,insyallah takde apa dah nak renovate, cukupla apa yg ada. Abis2 pun ada some places nak touch up dgn cat je. Yg kat luar ni, angan2 we all (angan2 aku la sebenarnya) nak buat gate letrik, buang beam, bumbung porch baru and tiles porch so that both cars bleh park dekat porch. Angan2 la dulu..dah cukup duit nanti insyallah termakbul. Bila? Jgn tanya hehe.

Apa lagi ye? For this coming long weekend (setahun sekali je org keje KL nak berlagak!), I had organized two events. Steamboat BBQ for friends on Saturday and karaoke for cousins on Sunday. Tengok la nanti turnout macam mana. Sket ke banyak ke, I wanna have fun!

Till later!


Silent Scribbler said...

Salam Kak Amy... I know how you feel. Tension tapi nak lepas tak boleh. Rasa kat wordpress yg boleh password protect certain post. Kat blogger tak boleh lagi. take care ye, jgn tension2. Have fun this weekend! :-)

mamacrocs said...

Please mail me the details will try to call u tomorrow (I will call malam waktu Msia and hopefully line ok coz I'm using internet to call u) If u do have skype at home please mail me the details so we can on line.

toughcookie said...

hang in there, babe.. itu saja i can say. and yes, you are right... i yang selalu positive thinking pun tak 100% cheerful all the time... once in awhile, things will get to you. it is normal. just stay focused and have faith. maaf tak boleh membantu apa2...

Linda said...

Aww...I feel you, babe!

Am currently going thru the same thing, what to do..kena sabar je la, we have mouths to feed..

Amy said...

Sha - wordpress eh..nanti I survey2 la..if template cun (macam la template skarang cun sgt!)dan yg penting user friendly, I nak move la. Many thanks to you, kalau I dah tak tahan, I update je status tah apa2 kat FB pastu I filter sapa yg leh tengok hehe. Masa dtg mood gila, I update status but only can be seen by me haha. I loike.

Intan - I owe u the bihun hailam recipe kan. Erm memang berkira2 nak email ko, tapi tak daya dah, semalam lepas update blog pun aku tertido, pastu bangun tgh malam. Mlm ni aku nak email ko. Takyah la beb call, ko jauh..aku faham, aku tetap dpt rasa your love dari jauh tu *teary eyes*. aku tak pandai ah skype.

Juan - Tqqq..comment ni pun dah cukup, tak perlu apologize for not helping. I just need to vent out real bad. Ingatkan lepas luah perasaan kat B and BFF I will feel better tapi tak, need to jot it down jugak.

Linda - *sigh* It's not easy. takpe, weekend ni nak lepak puas2 :)

Fini said...

Amy, believe me I know what you are going through. Memang hari hari gagahkan diri to come to work. Sometimes tak tau sampai bila lagi boleh sabar.

Amy said...

Fini - Ha, tahu kan? I'm a total wreck inside la Fini.

Konot said...

sabau ye amy ye.. keje ni mmg neverending depression... i always envy people yang get paid for doing wat they love.. sigh.

tapi klu nak pk mcm tu nanti lagi depressed.. so sabau le byk2..

Amy said...

Konot - Hehe ko tahu aku duduk dlm LRT lelama tu dok buat apa? Kadang2 aku tengok muka orang semua and wondering, are they happy with their work? Or are they dragging their feet everyday? Are they relieved that the office hour is over and they're on the way back home (like me)..huhu 3 more hours to go :))

Zetty said...

personally, kengkadang certain situation mcm sangat kusut. tapi bila kita take a deep breath, bawak bertenang, focus...insya allah ada jalan keluar.

Uncle Lee said...

Hello Amy, I read with interest re your job status.
Do sit down, have a cup of coffee, dua donuts or whatever, think very carefully.

Jumping ship or switching jobs can have its advantages or can be out of the kwali masuk dalam api if you know what I mean.

I am guilty myself of jumping ship 5 times...twice masuk dalam api. One the company went belly up.
No work 3 months! Sikit lagi makan bubur and salt fish,ha ha.

Once took a 35% pay cut too, but wrong decision,
but I guess the bintangs not in right alignment till one day by fluke dapat my dream a way, all the experiences helped me.

In your case, check out very carefully the new company, bosses, ask people about the company, ada good future, whatever....then make your decision.

Regret you under stress Amy, yes, I understand what you going sometimes has its ups and downs, but the strong will will make it to shore. And you will make it, have faith, it works.

Here's wishing you the very best in your undertakings, good luck Amy, Lee.

Amy said...

Zets - Jalan keluar tu mmg nak keluar, lepas tu pi mana yg tak sure. Hehe. Thks beb, saw Ya yesterday kat Puchong during lunch :).

Uncle Lee - Yup, my situation now is more like keluar mulut naga masuk mulut buaya kind of thing. Am waiting for the offer letter before I can make any decision. Tq! :)

Cosmic_GurL said...

Amy, everyone faces their own challenges and demons I suppose...Good thing u have a very supportive husband and me la..if not dah lama terjun lombong :P

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